Dear Apple Computer, Tim Cook, et al.,

This is what you need to do:

1) Slowly get on your knees, face Google, Inc. squarely in their corporate face, and beg forgiveness for making a mockery of your own company by propping up some ridiculous shell of a mapping application, and running a quasi-covert power play against one of the few tech giants that is actually worth their fair market value.

a) As a subset of this apology, please apologize to your
psychotically devout consumers, for basically using
them as a data mining effort in your incredibly chintzy
attempt at trumping Google's immensely superior
mapping product.

2) Tim Cook, please stop acting as spokesmodel for Apple. For sake of argument, I'll allow that your business savvy may be impressive, but your public speaking is embarrassing, mimicking that of a college sophomore, who for their first time in life faces a crowd (~30 people) and is struggling their way through presenting a group project.

3) Apologize to your users for masking an attempt to seem congenial, by lengthening, but not widening your screen. If one of your target demographics is women (and this is the schtick that everyone knows is behind the claim) then make a man's and a women's iPhone, instead of pretending like you're looking out for everyone. This crap about it not fitting in a person's hand is ludicrous and, more importantly, a known line of BS within developers. How would the larger Galaxy SIII illicit such demand if this were true? Average hands can easily accommodate a wider device.

4) Every 4G LTE device sold by Verizon, except the iPhone 5, runs web/talk at the same time. Fix this ridiculous hardware hold out, which is technology that Apple certainly possesses, and is produceable in the current design.

5) Samsung is beginning to erode your historically dominant market share. (Applause) This is not because they have stolen every idea Apple ever had. This is because, your phones are at least on par, if not in some regards, below the ones that Samsung is making. Fire your lawyers, get back to the drawing boards, and quit being a crybaby.

6) Cut your marketing budget in half, invest into R&D, and stop holding back in order to sell more units of the next iPhone generation. Let it all out now. The nature of technological advances will catch up. Have faith.

7) Stop acting like a bully with companies like Adobe, Google, Samsung, etc. You are no longer the only decider of what carrier does what, there is innovation busting at the seams. Play nicely with it and stop throwing your weight around. The market is showing that your bullish approach doesn't work anymore.

8) Fire half of your brick and mortar "staff". My normal experience in your stores is that I know more about Apple computers, iPhones, iPods, and technology in general than the majority of the solid colored shirts in your stores, and this is not a complement to me. These hacks are deleting data, giving poor advice, being corrected on the spot, and are in general a poor representation of a company that, just 3 years ago, was an intimidating and inspirational tech pioneer. These "specialists" may impress a portion of your consumers, but, IMO, this is no measure of their competence. Many users are still learning that they can kill iPhone apps by double-clicking the Home button. For employees that you don't fire, train them better, and train any new people as vigorously as you would a Marine. The Apple Stores, after all, are modern battlefields of Capitalism.

9) Stop treating your hardware and software releases like the discovery of life on Mars. Everybody knows that you make cool stuff. Just release the goods and put your clout behind the product instead of (again with Tim Cook) embarrassing, stage- pacing, thesaurus-reciting soliloquies of "Revolutionary, Amazing, Incredible" (repeat x256). Geez, Data from Star Trek had a more dynamic personality.

10) Humble yourself and take direction from the new market players. Android is genius, and keeps getting better. It also represents true sharing in the genre, while Apple continues to bound itself evermore by its own desire for separateness. Is the Galaxy SIII the end-all-be-all? No. Does it satisfy in all the ways the iPhone5 does not? No. Does it represent going out on a limb, opening itself up to other options, and does it have something to offer Apple in the way of inspiration, example, and edification? Yes, yes, and yes. Google has always been a friend to Apple, and their programmers have always been near super-alien in their coding capabilities. Google also has big company issues, but it is an important partner to a company with as much continued potential as Apple. On the stock floor playground, they are a good example of not going for the steamroller every time a company poses a threat.

Get your act together, Apple. You are able to snow a lot of people with sexy marketing backed by "Meh"-brand products. The tech sector has grown frighteningly fast in the last 10-15 years. Apple was barely an honorable mention 12 years ago. Your current swell could easily crash, most unfortunately, with a sufficient amount of writing on the wall.

Sincerely,

A Wavering Loyalist